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Don’t use “Don’t.”
Don’t touch it!
Don’t climb the sofa!
Don’t go around!
Does this sentence sound familiar? It is what parents say when they want to stop their children from touching something. What happens next? The child may stop this behavior at this moment. A few seconds later, the child will start again.
Too many cycles, over and over again, parents’ emotions are getting more out of control.
So how should we stop this vicious cycle?
Don't use "Don't" reasons
1. Cause Confusion
Children may not understand why they should not engage in the behavior. So when they are asked to stop, they continue. They can also distinguish between right and wrong behavior.
2. Negative
It is perceived as a negative word that is overused to stop what the child has been doing to create stress and negative emotions whenever the child hears the word “no”.
3. Anti-Control
Your child may refuse your request and engage in other behaviors to gain control. Don’t create tension between you and your child by trying too hard to gain control.
4. Not Identifying Alternative Behaviors
It only tells the child what not to do at the moment, not what to do. We try to find alternatives to problem behaviors, which is more effective than trying to stop children from having problem behaviors.
What should I do when my child engages in problematic behaviors?
Try the following 3 steps
1. Don’t say “no.”
Parents can try to change the habit of using “bad” and do not use “bad” unless necessary.
For example: Don’t climb the couch
2. Be Clear About What You Want
Ask yourself, “What do you want them to do?” and then tell them clearly.
Example: Please sit on the sofa
3. Appreciate Them
The most important thing is to give your child lots of praise! Your praise is telling your child that what they are doing is right and encouraging them to do the same thing next time.
Example: Sit still! Good boy!
